PLEASE READ THIS FIRST!!!
Becoming Minimalist is one of my FAVORITE blogs!! I have about 3 that I just can't stop reading... and THIS is one of them.
Please, PLEASE read this article before reading my blog any further.
Okay--you did that? Good! :)
PLEASE BEAR WITH ME... My thoughts are jumbled and I have a lot to say. Stay with me.
I have been doing LOTS of thinking. As I have mentioned before I am trying my hardest to live minimally. Since the guidelines of minimalistic living are not outlined before me, I am having to find my own way.
I realized the other day how badly I had failed. I was talking with Ava, my almost 6 year old, about her upcoming birthday and what she might want. I buy things ahead or at least try to plan ahead for financial purposes and so it seemed like having a 2 month notice on what she wants would be a good idea. I realized as we were talking that she didn't understand the concept of waiting. Whose fault is that? MINE! I have failed my daughter. She has learned that every other walmart trip or Dollar Store trips equals a new something or other. Never anything expensive, but a dollar here, or a dinosaur here, or gum here. The concept of waiting til her birthday for the things she had listed seemed overwhelming to her. That is my fault.
I remember as a child getting the JCPENNEY "WISH BOOK" in about October. I would go throw that so excited to look at all the new STUFF that was out. I would dog ear pages, circle items, and write down my wish list. My parents never stopped me or told me "Now wait, Cara! You can only pick out 4 things." They let me dream, and wish, as parents should let their children do. Looking back I am so appreciative of that. They allowed me to be a kid. As a child, I always had a run on list of things I wanted. Now flash forward...
My birthday is in ten days. I will be 27 years old. My parents, husband and friends have asked me what I want. I can't think of one thing. That sounds good, right? NOPE-wrong!!!! It's actually terrible. I can't think of one thing I want because if I want something... I GO BUY IT! I don't spend a lot of money on myself and there are times that I should be very proud of how frugal I live, but overall its sad... I no longer have a wish list. Like the writer of "Becoming Minimilist" writes...we have to quit shopping! We have to quit BUYING everything we want. I have not spend more than $30 dollars on myself in one shopping trip, so for that I am so proud of myself. I'm HUGE leaps away from where I was 3 years ago....but I still buy things. Little things here and there... it's sad to not have a wish list, so to speak.
I have decided to live on less. NOW, that being said, i can only get rid of things that i don't use, can't fit in, or my daughter has outgrown. I'm not going to sell everything I own. But I CAN decide not to buy more. i have actually done pretty good at that.
Oh and let me also say that just because I feel a certain way doesn't mean others should. It's sorta like politics... you can't force your beliefs on other people. If everyone friend and family member I have buys whatever they want-when they want it-more power to them. This is about ME, and me only. My beliefs and my opions only. Please hear me say that. I am not judging people that don't feel like I do...and i sincerely mean that.
That is so jumbled and i'm sorry. My thoughts are literally spinning around in my head. I feel very convicted about my spending and about the way I teach my daughter in regards to money. NO one in this world is going to teach her "Delayed gratification" except me. All she will learn through the world (and already has to some degree) is I WANT IT, I ASK FOR IT, I GET IT. That is my job as her mother to teach her otherwise. I feel like a spoiled brat. Last night I took Ava to her dads and I thought I would use this opportunity to clean her room. I mean literally SRUB THE FLOORS, SCRUB THE WALLS, CLEAN-CLEAN-CLEAN! As I am cleaning out from under her bed, in the nightstand, in the 2 toy boxes(yes... I said 2) I became overwhelmed. Then I went to the closet. Now in Ava's room it's a shared closet between my shirts and her clothes. Jere and my closet is only big enough for all of his clothes(he has sooooo many) and my pants. So I get to closet hop! That's always fun! :) Anyway, I am in the closet and i'm looking at shirts crammed together of mine. I have so many clothes yet what did I buy yesterday? A new shirt. WOW. Then I get to Ava's side and I see 5 things in there with THE TAGS ON THEM! I bought these clothes back in April!! SERIOUSLY? She hasn't even worn them.
I wish I knew where to start or what to finish. I'm slightly disgusted with myself over the way I have let "Stuff-itis" cloud my world. I was thinking last night while vaccuming that it would take me a LOT less time to clean if we had less stuff. I have to take EVERYTHING off the shelves to dust, move ALL the crap out of the floor to vaccum. My life would be simpler ...
WITH LESS!
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